people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
