You can't motorboat a personality
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
