Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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