don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
