Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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