I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
