I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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