It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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