Define "chronic" masturbator.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
