I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I puked a lego.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
