you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize