I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
