An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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