life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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