If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just gargled with NyQuil
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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