a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
