Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
