I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
