just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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