Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Operation Purity has been aborted
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
