John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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