And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
