If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
