Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
