He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
