All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
