I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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