she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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