My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
