the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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