Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
