Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
