my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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