its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
