the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
