if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
