ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize