she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
