remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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