I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
