Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
