I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
