3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
