He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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