Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
