AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
