someone threw a dead crab at me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
