the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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