so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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