I heard we made out
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize