Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
