Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
