I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
