i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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