so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
