"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize