so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
