Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
