Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
