That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
