I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
