how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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