We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
we're so committed to being not committed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
