This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
