I understand Curling. That high.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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