btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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