He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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