And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
