He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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